Plasticine

If I was made of plasticine life would be easier

pushing, squiashing, smashing me in all the possible ways

and still would be ok cause if it doesn't please me I can get back to the way I used to be or maybe come out with something a lot much better without any problem.

I was wondering about the identity/gender thing...

Mary made me wonder about it pointing out she doesnt feel me bisexual at all jut somewhat curious; I'll have to clarify that she told me that after telling her today felt like if I was a lesbian consdering I love feminine and delicate physical features and manners

I have to admit it offended me a bit but didn't say anything considering she loves me a lot and she wouldn't tell me that if it was only for messing

But then I thought we can't point out any theory or possibilite reffering to sex/love things at the moment...cause I have a big lack of both since loooong ago.

It's not funny but what happens. All these moments of rejection, lack of some sexual activity because of some limitations or because I don't appeal to the peole I desire...it went all fucked up.

Then jump into the asexual period that started like one year ago...I thought it could get fixed soon if I lose weight and stuff but it didn't. Now I became a very superficial, selfish, exigent, arrogant person that thinks that the one I don't consider hot, interesting ad funny can't get into me and can go all to the fucking hell even if they could adore me with his/her whole hearts.

Very unkind I know...

Then I came up again with the theory that if I change of enviroment somthing could happen with someone

but you know what? the more you were craving for it in an insane way the far it will be from you (pessimistic so?)

But now I realize I don't give a fucking damn! if something changes or not I don't fucking care! life brings change because it HAS TO!

I just wonder when will happen this change (curiosity not a need)

God bless my friends and Placebo....they are the last strings that make me have some kind of sensibility in/toward my life

I'll really turn fucked up if I lose any of those 2

but stop the whiny

I hope time brings better moments for all my beloved ones! (they are are reall doing with some like Rafa, Stevie & Ere..the ones missing are Barbs, Miri and myself)

We deserve it and a lot!!!!!

farewell my forbidden cupcakes...♥